oh ya

hmm.. today is the first time
y first time?

actually is the first time i am updating my blog at my man's room

tonight
i feel like wanna shouting out loudly
i love you
my man
hanson, u r my man ^^

learning

I was damn damn damn sleepy in this morning

feel wanna take leave again

but finally i climbed up from my bed slowly and crawling to my working place

this is just because of i had promised to save money and live happily

promised to myself also

suddenly i felt that it was not an easy task to learn how to forgive and heading to front

gosh

sometime i really hope that my brain can function like my pc

a "DEL"\ "BACKSPACE" button can help me to erase all those bad memory

but life is still going on

i have no way back

but i think that i got enough energy and keep up my mind to plan for my future

planning......

aiming to target

this is the first time i woke up so early in the morning

but js for nothing

suddenly i am going to plan my future

when i knew that 

since i hurt my man

when i realized how deep am i love him

and it already late

time would make people regret

it would make someone growing up also

i started to know when my man was growing up

i was still standing at my beginning

maybe i was still the shumin 

but just four years ago

my man said when he already knew how was i

how was my temper

how was shumin 

he said he already used to how was i

actually 

at first

i am doubting that my man wasn't love me anymore

actually i don't know how to love

perhaps i also wish to listen that 

that he will tell me actually he has not in love with me anymore

this could make me better

right?

my man

u wanted me to be a charming and energetic shumin

my man

i wished to

i really wished to

my man and i -our precious (i hoped that he will agree with this too)

 i city(shah alam) my man smiled

 our happy trips to gold coast .. a shinny day

 i love these three pictures the most~ i feel sweet

our "qun gar fok ".. my man , my son and i

the only happy time for today

taa daa....
my phone case ady ready (muackzz)

but felt sorry to weiying ...
she seems down because of me

finished actually
but havent get the full image yet
anyway

tq to weiying

today

today i was upset again
but i still have some happy moment

i hate myself
i hate myself for not easy to forget to forgive

my man asked me not to talk about the girl anymore
i m wondering
is he still love me
or he just cant accept that i am talking gossip about her and made him angry

i m really no idea for this

do my man really love me?
i heard these "i love u" from his month
i supposed to be happy
but y i didn't
am i doubting at him or i have no more confidence to myself?

i do really want to continue my life without tear

forgive and restart

today we had a talk

we agreed

love needs forgive

after forgive, we need to restart

love is happiness

we need to enjoy the happiness when we are in love
and also care about each other

2108

this morning, i just can't wake up
i suddenly woke up from bed at 5am in the morning
i found that my body was totally wet
i was keep sweating in cold in the night

i went for lunch with my man and his family
i hope to see him so much
and i attended to the lunch

but when i saw him
in my mind
i keep thinking at how he asked the girl to be his girlfriend
i learnt to be tough
trying not to cry in front of him
but i failed for so many time

when i saw him use his phone to check fb message
i was so weak
i just can't face that
i pretend not to see

i felt panic to see his macbook
i felt panic to see his phone
i felt panic when he is using his phone and lappie

but i really don't want to give up

i just can't eat
even a drop of water

my heart was so pain

i m not dare to do anythings
because this is my pay

weak

now i realized how weak was i

in my mind
i just keep thinking how my man asked another girl to be his girlfriend
in my mind
i m wondering y am i so weak
in my mind
y my man can always share his feeling to this girl and chat with her every night
until he had forgotten where i am
in my mind
i knew this is the pay i should give

i am not a qualified girlfriend
as i spent too much
as i quarreled for much
as i can't give him the future that he want

xiong xiong
u r so intelligent
u stop to make noise
stop to run everywhere
n just sit by my side because you knew that your mom is crying

yes
i am crying

i knew i am not good enough
i want to change
i wanna learn to be stronger
i wanna learn to be a good girlfriend
perhaps
i wasn't a successful human
i wasn't good enough

perhaps

i should disappear
as i have no value in everyone' heart

a doubtful love

no doubting
i am still loving at you

yet another live inside ur heart

u flirted her and asked her to be ur gf

my heart is broken

fine

all the best to u

goodbye my love

when you said nothing at all

i am right

cause this is the first time i read someone mind successfully

don't tell me that u are trying to have a new life with me

i didn't say that i m doing all the right things

since the day u hoped me to die so much

i knew what had happened

i m glad that i m not 100% fell myself into this relationship

because this day will come

i m really glad that i am awaking now

for girls

u should really know in ur heart if someone still love you or still wan to continue his life with u

now

is nothing at all

2:34AM

argh... ady midnight

i m damn damn miss my hubby now
he made me can't sleep as well
so i am hanging with my lappie and my ASTRO

hmm....
hope to see hubby tmr

i miss him much
T.T

oh yea yea

hmm... finally back from the paradise( >< )
now at my shumin's paradise as well

today i saw lots of SHIFU were keep helping to pray for me
i was so touching of that
they are not so close to me
they are not asking for any pay also
they are sympathizing at me because they knew that how bad luck m i
(*actually i just bad luck la, y felt sympathy at me?)

anyway
i really fell thankful to what they had done to me

at that moment
i m thinking
what the man that i love had done for me

the monk told me
this called "give and pay"
yup
maybe the man had given so much and i accepted so much
now the turn's had changed
but i can't be the one who keeps giving
because i can't
i have been trying to give and without taking any pay or reward from him
and he had changed into the previous SHUMIN
he enjoyed to take all my changing without pay

yup
i was that ..i think few months ago.. i was that

anyway
thank you my beloved boss sent me to cure my bad luck and sickness
(argh,, but i still have fever la T.T)

Thank you to all of u
and also my EX

late late late.. i m late

har...
i m late
cannot arrive at kl in estimating time
gosh...(gonna punch myself)

cos i miss my night tuition today
n also miss my time with my baby tonight
(nope, he was not my baby anymore, get used to it first ><)

i always out of topic recently...sigh

ok..

i will rush back to KL as well <3

Arrived (LOVE)

Finally
i reached at my destination---My secret farm

Hmm...
i m wondering
how is this place actually?
but the my ip ady out of battery so i cant capture any nice picture to post
(so so so sorry ya :(  )

ok..ok..
so how is my feeling to be here?
i m feeling nice n peaceful at here
this is a place that i run away from unhappiness... n also sadness

actually
i m still thinking
am i really make a right decision to choose to end this relationship

i m trying to change this man
nope.. i m not gonna change him.. jz i wan him to agree with my opinion
for me
i need a boyfren who do really care me from time to time
at least he can appear in front of me when i need him
js like i spent most of my time to drive there to find him
n take most of the chance that can accompany him

but finally
who care?
actually no one care about this

ok..:)
let's get back to my topic..

hmm... i started to addict in blogging from time to time...

*smile

i m starting to miss u...(my hair)

when i m looking at this picture..
gosh..
i m starting to miss this hair style...
coz i failed to have this hair style again when i had my hair cut at a different salon
(the super duper suck salon)

i really hate u
now my hair become this
(look down)

T.T

My 1st day

Argh,,,
i m single

hmm... it sounds not good right?
but y am i proud of it ?

hmm... i think i m really not so sad for that what
yeah.. i m really nt so sad of it

compare than the time i keep crying(feeling 1 2 kick myself ==')

haha
let's celebrate to have my blogging life and also SINGLE life
*cheers

(what r u happy for.. huh? swt)