生活

现在的生活就是一个字，闷~~
哈哈，其实是因为为了得到更多的钱，我选择牺牲很多的东西，
家人就是唯一一个很不体谅我的一方
有时候，心里真的会很难受，回家后就好象回到一个陌生的地方，
和父母没有话说，
进房间就抱头大睡，
但是如果我没有钱，他们会供养我吗
就是不会，我才要拼命~

我是不是应该考虑下离开？
自己出来租一间房子来住呢？有没有朋友和我一样，想离开家的，可以考虑一下来找我一起住~~

最近

最近的生活，不知道怎么说，
好像突然又失去了重心，没有以前那么冲，
有一点变回好像以前一样，
难得能够休息时，我才发觉一直紧凑的步伐，如果要一直长期坚持下去，
真的是很累的，
我留在家一整天时，
我却发觉如果没有工作，我更加地不知所谓，
我在想，
是不是我完全不会拿捏生活上的每一个细节呢

当我在冲时，我是不是应该要不断地提醒自己，
有时候停一停，
回头看一看吧？

aloha

最近的生活有些，怎么说，
糟糕吧~~
不过有可喜可贺的事情，
就是我2011年的wishlist已经完成了~
大家都对我很好，
虽然wishlist里的东西都很贵一下,可是大家都给我先拿货，
然后慢慢用三四个月的时间来供~
感恩感恩~
谢谢你们啊~我今年过得完整~幸福

4-12-2011

今天借了钱给父母，可是为什么借钱都要写在部落格呢？
因为年尾快到了，
最担心的是父母又再一次借钱不还，
因为我真的很辛苦存钱
东西也不吃，就是为了赶紧达成愿望，
能够过多两三年然后就可以买一个房子~~
担心答应了自己的事情没有办法达成，
反正就是有很多的事情
很多的担心，
这时候，真的很想和别人分享，
但是我知道我从来只是一个人在活着，
有时候，
觉得自己很多余，
有男朋友和没有男朋友没有什么分别，
尽量有事情都是自己解决，
没什么人能够帮到自己，
这些日子，
我就是一个人这么地过着~~

我想要在努力一点，
想要再多一点时间，让我一直在拼命

挥霍@奢侈

最近自己有些很不喜欢自己
今天驾车去工作时候，整个人就是慌神，真的是不知道要怎么说
变得有些不知所措，
也许不知道自己在拼什么吧~~

最近有些小奢侈，
买了很多很多的东西~~
哭

要控制
要控制
买房子买房子阿

有感而发

今天去了血拼，因为姐姐要注册，
怎么说都没有穿得邋邋遢遢的去吧，结果还是买了一件我还不错满意的小礼服
但是用了rm 219啊
我的心开始在流血的说，走着走着，
心里一直提醒自己不要再买了，
存钱的计划部能够被打乱的，
好了，
我又走着走着，
看见pnco.有很大的折扣，还是被吸引进去，
因为两件上衣就只是rm 49而已，
品质还很不错的说，
结果，
不用说都知道吧~~~~
好了，
又走着走着...
这次的花费可大了，
花了rm299++买了一个全皮的手提袋给妈妈~~~
算是名牌货拉~~

我大出血阿~~
我不开心啊~~
我需要sponsor阿，谁能够sponsor我啊???

T.T

忙翻天

好久好久都没有来更新部落格
之前开始写的时候就已经告诉过自己要努力，不要再次荒废自己的部落

承认自己是因为解决了一些很久都解决不了的问题，不需要再逃避了，
所以也没有什么想要抒发的，
结果再一次荒废了

最近忙翻了，
工作实在是密密麻麻的，但是休息不是很够，简直就是从早上7时开始，晚上，
嗯，不，应该是凌晨睡觉，
每天早上头晕，唉，我是不是有些拼得不知道怎样阿

我现在真的要很努力一起拼
我想要实现很多很多的

这个星期六要去姐姐的注册礼了，
心里有些小兴奋，
因为姐姐找到自己爱的人，有了属于自己的幸福，
我的幸福又在哪里了？

不过，
幸福在自己手里，
要自己活得幸福，才能够让人一起感受这种幸福的时光，
其实这一刻，
我觉得自己幸福了

自己到底是什么

有时候在想，自己到底是什么
有时候我会再想，是自己改变了吗
还是，他已经改变了
原来很多时候，我们大家都已经改变了
发觉到原来人与人之间相处久了
要把感情升温并不是理所当然的事
久而久之
原来冷淡了，不爱了
才是理所当然的事情

懊恼

今天真的很头痛，因为自己感情问题处理不当，
结果一次又一次的请假，
所以最后学生还是跑了一些，
院长虽然只是稍微的责备了我
其实也没有责备
但是却觉得好自责

现在最懊恼的事情是万一我的学生来源真的没有了，
就会对我的经济来源造成影响，
毕竟我还答应老公，答应自己要好好地存钱和计划
因为之前的不负责任
结果造成今日这个模样
但是后悔已经是很来不及了

问题是和那个婆娘又闹得很不愉快
学生们开始不大尊重我
我想离开
但是我不愿意放弃这个高薪水的工作
所以我要做的应该就是改变自己
立刻找更多的学生，慢慢建立起自己的王国
让院长知道我才是比较值得的
加油加油

安慰自己
我还有私人补习能够帮我顶住
要加油啊
一课都不能缺席
以前能够做到，现在也是能够做到的，我不会放弃的

useless

i am just a useless thing as i always think so much
since when
i am not sure also
how come i become like this?

i should learn to be stronger..
actually
we can't read ppl's mind
so just be yourself
just pamper urself
cos no one can love you as urself

gambateh
shumin :)

Afraid

today when i am looking at the homepage of facebook
i saw a status which made me afraid

a girl beg to her boyfriend to have a 2nd chance..
he refused
the girl finally blessed him for happy life
sudden
the boy said he wanna prove to everyone how deep he loves the girl
and he wanna proved that the girl only a bitch that never love him

will this happen on me or it's already happen?

today

last night
i did reckless
i felt sorry as i always follow to my heart and do apologize for choosing a wrong timing to solve the problem that i wish to solve as well

actually
i just have a minor request from you
i just wish to have our past precious time
but i knew that it won't come anymore

every time
i asked you
do you have any word wanna talk to me?
you said, no i don't
but lastly
you had lots of blaming but you just kept it in the deepest place in your heart

i do really felt regret for betraying
the good day won't come if we do not know how to let go the past

wasn't easy to forget and forgive

i taught that everything will have the happy ending if we had try hard 

i taught that i can have a happy ending at last

but finally not

i am too naive to have this naive thinking

as i always trust that who is going to give and going to take also

but if something happened

it couldn't back

and it won't have a happy ending anymore

he won't treat you as before

and you will also don't know how should you treat him when he already treated you cruel

feel lost

i had pass a tough day that i cant imagine

if you really love me

i really wish that we can have a normal and peaceful beginning again

sorry

oh ya

hmm.. today is the first time
y first time?

actually is the first time i am updating my blog at my man's room

tonight
i feel like wanna shouting out loudly
i love you
my man
hanson, u r my man ^^

learning

I was damn damn damn sleepy in this morning

feel wanna take leave again

but finally i climbed up from my bed slowly and crawling to my working place

this is just because of i had promised to save money and live happily

promised to myself also

suddenly i felt that it was not an easy task to learn how to forgive and heading to front

gosh

sometime i really hope that my brain can function like my pc

a "DEL"\ "BACKSPACE" button can help me to erase all those bad memory

but life is still going on

i have no way back

but i think that i got enough energy and keep up my mind to plan for my future

planning......

aiming to target

this is the first time i woke up so early in the morning

but js for nothing

suddenly i am going to plan my future

when i knew that 

since i hurt my man

when i realized how deep am i love him

and it already late

time would make people regret

it would make someone growing up also

i started to know when my man was growing up

i was still standing at my beginning

maybe i was still the shumin 

but just four years ago

my man said when he already knew how was i

how was my temper

how was shumin 

he said he already used to how was i

actually 

at first

i am doubting that my man wasn't love me anymore

actually i don't know how to love

perhaps i also wish to listen that 

that he will tell me actually he has not in love with me anymore

this could make me better

right?

my man

u wanted me to be a charming and energetic shumin

my man

i wished to

i really wished to

my man and i -our precious (i hoped that he will agree with this too)

 i city(shah alam) my man smiled

 our happy trips to gold coast .. a shinny day

 i love these three pictures the most~ i feel sweet

our "qun gar fok ".. my man , my son and i

the only happy time for today

taa daa....
my phone case ady ready (muackzz)

but felt sorry to weiying ...
she seems down because of me

finished actually
but havent get the full image yet
anyway

tq to weiying

today

today i was upset again
but i still have some happy moment

i hate myself
i hate myself for not easy to forget to forgive

my man asked me not to talk about the girl anymore
i m wondering
is he still love me
or he just cant accept that i am talking gossip about her and made him angry

i m really no idea for this

do my man really love me?
i heard these "i love u" from his month
i supposed to be happy
but y i didn't
am i doubting at him or i have no more confidence to myself?

i do really want to continue my life without tear

forgive and restart

today we had a talk

we agreed

love needs forgive

after forgive, we need to restart

love is happiness

we need to enjoy the happiness when we are in love
and also care about each other

2108

this morning, i just can't wake up
i suddenly woke up from bed at 5am in the morning
i found that my body was totally wet
i was keep sweating in cold in the night

i went for lunch with my man and his family
i hope to see him so much
and i attended to the lunch

but when i saw him
in my mind
i keep thinking at how he asked the girl to be his girlfriend
i learnt to be tough
trying not to cry in front of him
but i failed for so many time

when i saw him use his phone to check fb message
i was so weak
i just can't face that
i pretend not to see

i felt panic to see his macbook
i felt panic to see his phone
i felt panic when he is using his phone and lappie

but i really don't want to give up

i just can't eat
even a drop of water

my heart was so pain

i m not dare to do anythings
because this is my pay

weak

now i realized how weak was i

in my mind
i just keep thinking how my man asked another girl to be his girlfriend
in my mind
i m wondering y am i so weak
in my mind
y my man can always share his feeling to this girl and chat with her every night
until he had forgotten where i am
in my mind
i knew this is the pay i should give

i am not a qualified girlfriend
as i spent too much
as i quarreled for much
as i can't give him the future that he want

xiong xiong
u r so intelligent
u stop to make noise
stop to run everywhere
n just sit by my side because you knew that your mom is crying

yes
i am crying

i knew i am not good enough
i want to change
i wanna learn to be stronger
i wanna learn to be a good girlfriend
perhaps
i wasn't a successful human
i wasn't good enough

perhaps

i should disappear
as i have no value in everyone' heart

a doubtful love

no doubting
i am still loving at you

yet another live inside ur heart

u flirted her and asked her to be ur gf

my heart is broken

fine

all the best to u

goodbye my love

when you said nothing at all

i am right

cause this is the first time i read someone mind successfully

don't tell me that u are trying to have a new life with me

i didn't say that i m doing all the right things

since the day u hoped me to die so much

i knew what had happened

i m glad that i m not 100% fell myself into this relationship

because this day will come

i m really glad that i am awaking now

for girls

u should really know in ur heart if someone still love you or still wan to continue his life with u

now

is nothing at all

2:34AM

argh... ady midnight

i m damn damn miss my hubby now
he made me can't sleep as well
so i am hanging with my lappie and my ASTRO

hmm....
hope to see hubby tmr

i miss him much
T.T

oh yea yea

hmm... finally back from the paradise( >< )
now at my shumin's paradise as well

today i saw lots of SHIFU were keep helping to pray for me
i was so touching of that
they are not so close to me
they are not asking for any pay also
they are sympathizing at me because they knew that how bad luck m i
(*actually i just bad luck la, y felt sympathy at me?)

anyway
i really fell thankful to what they had done to me

at that moment
i m thinking
what the man that i love had done for me

the monk told me
this called "give and pay"
yup
maybe the man had given so much and i accepted so much
now the turn's had changed
but i can't be the one who keeps giving
because i can't
i have been trying to give and without taking any pay or reward from him
and he had changed into the previous SHUMIN
he enjoyed to take all my changing without pay

yup
i was that ..i think few months ago.. i was that

anyway
thank you my beloved boss sent me to cure my bad luck and sickness
(argh,, but i still have fever la T.T)

Thank you to all of u
and also my EX

late late late.. i m late

har...
i m late
cannot arrive at kl in estimating time
gosh...(gonna punch myself)

cos i miss my night tuition today
n also miss my time with my baby tonight
(nope, he was not my baby anymore, get used to it first ><)

i always out of topic recently...sigh

ok..

i will rush back to KL as well <3

Arrived (LOVE)

Finally
i reached at my destination---My secret farm

Hmm...
i m wondering
how is this place actually?
but the my ip ady out of battery so i cant capture any nice picture to post
(so so so sorry ya :(  )

ok..ok..
so how is my feeling to be here?
i m feeling nice n peaceful at here
this is a place that i run away from unhappiness... n also sadness

actually
i m still thinking
am i really make a right decision to choose to end this relationship

i m trying to change this man
nope.. i m not gonna change him.. jz i wan him to agree with my opinion
for me
i need a boyfren who do really care me from time to time
at least he can appear in front of me when i need him
js like i spent most of my time to drive there to find him
n take most of the chance that can accompany him

but finally
who care?
actually no one care about this

ok..:)
let's get back to my topic..

hmm... i started to addict in blogging from time to time...

*smile

i m starting to miss u...(my hair)

when i m looking at this picture..
gosh..
i m starting to miss this hair style...
coz i failed to have this hair style again when i had my hair cut at a different salon
(the super duper suck salon)

i really hate u
now my hair become this
(look down)

T.T

My 1st day

Argh,,,
i m single

hmm... it sounds not good right?
but y am i proud of it ?

hmm... i think i m really not so sad for that what
yeah.. i m really nt so sad of it

compare than the time i keep crying(feeling 1 2 kick myself ==')

haha
let's celebrate to have my blogging life and also SINGLE life
*cheers

(what r u happy for.. huh? swt)